Location: John Diemer Elementary School playground, Overland Park, Kansas

Year: 1974

I sat just a stone’s throw away from the monkey bars, eagerly awaiting the outcome of a meeting between Mike Schmidt and Brent Searing. The outcome of this meeting would have huge ramifications on my life in almost every aspect: social status, standing, whether I was cool or not and on the cutting edge of culture. I could see that the discussion was heated – often animated – as they debated my application into the fan club that they had just started a month earlier . . . in which they were the only two members.

I was tense, eager knowing that I needed this.  I couldn’t even imagine the ramifications if I was denied entry. They even had customized club t-shirts. I wanted one to wear at least three times a week at school to reveal my new status.

The topic of Mike and Brent’s discussion? My entry into the Elton John fan club.

My eagerness, angst, and perhaps panic is quite similar to the state of the union we live in today.

The government, Congress, and the Treasury Department have us convinced that unless they dole out billions or even trillions of dollars, the economy will collapse. We’re now a good 5 months into the bailout funds (TARP) in which the government has poured money into ailing banks in order to stop the financial bleeding.  The Federal Reserve has also gotten into the act by cutting the federal funds rate to almost nothing in hopes of injecting money into the economy.

On top of that, other industries and corporations are getting in line for this money, trying to convince anyone listening that if they don’t get this money, catastrophe looms.

On a side note, when I was 10  years-old I begged my mom to let me go to the Glenwood Theatres to see the R rated Billy Jack. I used the same persuasive measures that today’s powers that be are using:

“Everyone I know has seen this movie! Billy Jack beats up everyone and he is so cool, mom!”  or  “You are the worst mom in the world and my life is ruined if I can’t see this movie!”

The powers that be are concerned about the economy and the lack of confidence. They all agree that money in the economy is a good thing in order to keep capital flowing with investment and spending.  However: one must remember that government has no money other than what it taxes from the populace.  Government does not create wealth.

So if more money in the economy is a good thing, there could be different approaches. If the main concern is bailing out banks and corporations who’ve made erroneous decisions at the expense of good banks and the taxpayer, there has to be a better way. If simply spending money like there is no tomorrow is the answer, than why not increase the bailout to say $10 trillion? Because in the history of the world, no government program or spending spree has ever led to a prosperous economy.

If cash flow is so important to all these industries, why not simply cut the corporate tax rates to nothing? Boom: more money. Instantly. The United States has some of the highest corporate tax rates of all industrialized nations. Cut the capital gains tax in the same way. This, of course, is a tax on investment. You want more investment, give people and companies an easy way to invest and realize gains right away. None of what I am proposing is remotely radical. These ideals are what this country was founded on and why the US economy grew at such an exponential rate during its first 150 years.

In my 1974 mind set, I would have eagerly thought that all this bailout money was necessary. I had to see Billy Jack, and by all means nothing was more important than the Elton John fan club. He was in the Pinball Wizard in the movie Tommy! Did I even know what that movie was and who The Who were? Not a clue, but I did know that all the older kids talked about The Who and that 5 years earlier (in 1969) they actually played a concert at my sister’s high school, Shawnee Mission South. (I have to admit that I was too afraid to actually see the movie because Tina Turner, who played The Acid Queen, scared the living daylights out of me at the time.)

As Mike Schmidt and Brent Searing approached me from the monkey bars on to the kick ball field, they informed me that they weren’t accepting any new applications at this time and that the fan club was too important to them to let me in.

I was devastated. No t-shirt, no social standing, no coolness.

Sometimes in life it’s actually good not to get what we think we need. (I did get to see Billy Jack, though – and I was right. He was the baddest man on the planet!) I look back and think what life would be like if I had to admit that I was a proud member of the Elton John fan club. Would I have become an ardent fan through my teens? Does that mean that for Halloween my Junior year I would have dressed up as Elton John instead of Keith Richards? Think of the ramifications!

Just as the market should be left to sort things out, my life was left in the same way. Fonzie immediately replaced Billy Jack and any desire to care about Elton John (whew). Instead of having a bedroom adorned with posters of Elton wearing his large sunglasses, I had Fonzie posters giving the thumbs up. This, of course, put me on the right track to recovery.

The 80’s lead into my infamous mullet hair cut like Scott Baio’s from Charles in Charge, accentuated with attire from Miami Vice. Yes, I was on a roll!